Heart break.

Heart break. What does that even mean?


I guess its a statement we use without thinking. I was guilty of that until my heart was broken.

I finally feel like I can write about it without crying uncontrollably at my desk. I can type the words without every sad thought flashing before my eyes.
The pain is present still, but its bearable.

Almost four years ago, I began a serious relationship. I fell in love hard and fast. I was forever changed. As much as I hate to admit it, I was that girlfriend that I never expected I would be. I felt like I needed him. I did need him. His family became mine and I fell in love with every single one of them. I think thats why this is so hard. Its why the wound is so raw. Things between us haven't been right for awhile but its hard to admit.

I wasn't willing to give up, I wasn't ready to be defeated.
There comes a time when a person can no longer deny the inevitable. We didn't love each other the way we used to. It was different.

I cried a lot the last few weeks of our relationship. Thats not what happiness is supposed to look like. I knew that. We both knew that. I saw it as us giving up. We were giving up on each other. We were giving up on the last four years of our life. I think thats why it was so difficult for me. At what point is the problem 'unfixable?' Had we reached that point? Was it time to call it quits?

The good times were so good. Those are the times I think about when the room is quiet. When Im alone. When I flip through pictures on my computer. I guess that also makes the healing a little bit easier. Im not mad or bitter towards him and he is not mad or bitter towards me.

Its still hard though. A few weeks have now passed.
I still cry, but the tears are few. My heart still aches, but the pain is starting to subside.

Sometimes I confuse this independence with loneliness. But I am slowly healing and slowly learning. I am grateful for an overwhelming support system. They hold me through my tears and keep my thoughts occupied. I am forever thankful for them.

Non Muggles for a Day

I am so glad that I am finally getting the chance to share our pictures from Universal Studios. I have become completely infatuated with Harry Potter within the last year and when I had a chance to visit universal studios a few weeks ago, I couldn't wait to see the Wizzarding World of Harry Potter.

We took in all of the experiences that Hogsmeade had to offer. We tried butterbeer, saw the wands at Olivanders, bought candy at Honeydukes, ate lunch at the Three Broomsticks, rode the Hippogriff, went on dueling dragons, walked through Hogwarts and went on the Harry Potter Roller Coaster.

All in all it was an absolutely fabulous day. The weather was perfect and although it was quite a pricey day ($168 dollars to get in) ((we bought the flash passes)) it was well worth every penny and we talk about that day often.

Here's to you

Today Dalton turns 20.

The past few weeks haven't been the easiest but a hard day with you is better than a day that were not together.

I love you dearly. Celebrate today.
xxxoxoxoxoxoxo

Island Time Part 2

You can read part one of the vacation here.

We ventured to Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville for one afternoon. Let me just say, you have to be a millionaire to drink at that place for an afternoon. You also must have a trillion dollars if you want to buy a t-shirt. I swallowed my penny pinching ways and ordered a ten dollar drink (yes you read that right) and bought a $30 dollar T-shirt. (Yes, you also read that right)

None the less. It was a great time complete with shots from a man on stilts and giant slides for free beers. Dalton was willing to do just about anything for a free drink at that place. What can I say, that makes my penny saver self very giddy.









Caution: Objects in photo are smaller than they appear.


















Take me back. Please. Ill even promise to buy another $10 drink. Thats pure dedication.

Island Time {Part 1}

So today was my second day back at school. Im exhausted. But I truly have missed the blogging world the past few weeks. Another thing I'm missing? Jamaica.

After New Years, Dalton and I took a trip to Jamaica with two of our friends and Daltons grandparents. It was nothing short of absolutely amazing.

We stayed in a charming villa right on the ocean. It was built in the 50's by Elizabeth Taylor where she stayed with one of her many husbands. Not much about the decor has changed which was absolutely fine with me. The antique charm was so unique.

Dalton's grandparents have been coming to this villa for over 30 years. They knew the town of Ocho Rios and the Villa Kima like it was their second home. Daltons grandpa even said it was his favorite place in the world. And believe me, they have traveled just about everywhere.











I mean how can you deny that view?











Grandmas poker face.


The evenings were full of Euchre, Scattegories, and Taboo. Oh, and wine and Red Stipe.

We were lucky enough to have a wonderful staff at the villa that included a cook, a maid, a gardener, and a night guard. But these people felt like family by the time we left the villa on the last day. They welcomed us to Jamaica and to Villa Kima and they said goodbye with big smiles and big Jamaican hugs.

We had so many little excursions during our 10 day trip. I didn't want to jam all of our vacation into one post so I thought this was a good place to start. The rest of the vacation will follow in future posts.

High Five

High five because its friday people.




1. A park near our house has a holiday lights display every year. I think its a must do during the holidays. Dalton had never been. His words as we exited "I was expecting better." I aim to please. It doesn't always work.
2. A long to do list was made for this week. (Finals are next week) Many things were crossed off. It felt lovely.
3. Daltons parents moved into their brand spankin new house last weekend. We had brand new sheets and a brand new house. The bed felt wonderful. Not to mention we were absolutely whipped from moving all day.
4. Cute packaging for all my hair ties. Cant wait to give those away.
5. Our first snowfall happened on friday. I cant believe it is December and we are still seeing temperatures in the 40's. Take that all you global warming skeptics.

Im linking up with Lauren at From my Grey Desk for High Five for Friday.

Keep calm and enjoy a jumbo margarita

I lay in bed tossing and turning.
I know I'm tired. Why cant I just fall asleep?

The tossing and turning continues and because I have always been an anxious type of person, I begin to panic thinking of how tired I am going to be the next day. As if panicking is going to make me more tired. My mind is racing. Don't forget about calling on that apartment tomorrow. Schedule that advising appointment. Am I going to keep my roommate awake if I decide to finish reading the Sorcerers Stone? Oh dang, I forgot to email my professor those presentation scores. I wonder if Dalton is asleep?

Whoa.



I'm the type that requires the television to fall asleep. Dalton has been trying really hard to break that habit the past three years and when I am with him, I am usually fine. But I tend to get myself so worked up about nothing and then its uphill on roller-skates to try to get to sleep. And don't you fret, the sleep timer doesn't work. The second the TV turns off, I'm awake.

In an attempt to keep my very calm, cool and collected roommate around I have recently intercepted the habit of turning Netflix on my iPad and plugging in my headphones. I usually wake up strangled in my headphones. Its a risk I am willing to take.

I woke up, reset my alarm and slept for another 30 minutes. Are you surprised that I didn't wake refreshed? I was so lethargic that I walked out of our cafe without paying for my coffee. I struggled to stay awake during english and only a Dark Roast from Starbucks was going to keep my head from bobbing during my Early Childhood Foundations class.

Learning to do a mail merge was the last thing this exhausted brain could handle. I managed. I walked back to my dorm feeling defeated and hungry. (Because I am always hungry) Dalton asked me if I wanted to walk over to the local mexican restaurant to have a margarita and some chips and salsa. It was the last thing I felt like doing. But I did it. And I felt great. It's amazing what some good salsa and a Jumbo Margarita can do for a girl. (Besides make her a little tipsy)



Moral of the story?
Don't sleep with headphones in if you can help it.
And just when you think the world is against you, keep calm and have a jumbo margarita at your local mexican restaurant.

A letter to you {3 years}

Yesterday we celebrated our 3 year anniversary. It was as ordinary as any other day. Just the way we like it. 3 years have passed and nothing would have predicted all that we have been through. It is a bond stronger than my heart has ever felt. It's scary, but exhilarating. This love has proved my inner strength, I am stronger everyday because of you.

It hasn't always been rainbows and butterflies, I think that is a testament to the strength of our friendship. We understand the quirks about each other that no one else will ever understand. We just seem to "fit." It's strange and equally hard to explain in words. You make me smile, you make me cry, you make me happy. You accept that at times I am emotional and hard to handle. I have learned to accept that it wont always be easy to love you. Im willing to accept the hard times because the good times, they make it all worth it.

We have so much to look forward to and be thankful for. A new house, our trip to Jamaica, a good education (even if it takes us 6 years), and most importantly we have our future to look forward to. Lets not forget though, how important it is to live in the moment. Im working on cherishing the everyday moments that we share together.


So thanks for doing life with me.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Love always.

Gone Girl

A few weeks ago I mentioned a great book that I had just finished. Gone Girl.
I really struggled to get through the first part of the book but after about half, I couldn't put it down. Not to mention it was one of those books that you wanted to remember every good quote that you read.

One of my favorite things about reading on my iPad is that I can take screen shots and save those wonderful little nuggets in my photos.

One particular part really stood out to me. And don't worry, if you haven't read the book this wont spoil anything. (The two main characters are Nick, and Amy.)

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Nick just wanted me to be happy, thats all, very pure.
Maybe I mistook that for laziness. I just want you to be happy, Amy.
How many times did he say that and I took it to mean: I just want you to be happy, Amy, because that is less work for me.
But maybe I was unfair. Well, not unfair but confused. No one Ive loved has ever not had an agenda. So how could I know?


Nick and I fit together. I am a little too much and he is a little too little. I am a thorn bush, bristling from the over-attention of my parents and he is a man of a million little fatherly stab wounds, and my thorns fit perfectly into them.
I need to get home to him.

_____________________________________________________________________________________






So when they say they just want us to be happy. They may just mean it.

Everything deep fried and on a stick.

That is the Wisconsin State fair.

A group of us went to the state fair this week and we had so much fun. The weather was really hot but we toughed it out and made the best of it.

I always love seeing the cows and piggies but it was sooo hot and I felt sorry for the animals. They stand out in the heat alll dayy lonng ali.
But they really are adorable. No ali, we can not take a cow home.

I'm a natural.

And lets not forget the piglets. Only a few weeks old

I've always wanted a little teacup pig. This adventure made me think twice. They really do stink.

And lets not forget the food. I love the animals and everything but when I go to the state fair I plan on eating as much deep fried food that comes on a stick as i can.
You only live once so why not clog your arteries with disgusting calorie filled crap?

Thats what I say!

Enter the deep fried s'more.

Thats no lie. Its a party in your mouth.

Dalton doesn't have much of a sweet tooth so he went for the 14in corn dog.

Not Pictured: Deep fried macaroni and cheese (eaten by Johrdin), Cheese Curds, Spiral potato chips, deep fried bacon on a stick (gross), strawberry and banana milk, smoothies, cheese popcorn, and about 30 gallons of soda. We know how to have a good time. And cellulite.

Happy Friday.